Guitarists. We love them, we admire them, and let’s be honest, we love to tease them. For every soaring guitar solo and iconic riff, there seems to be a joke lurking in the shadows, ready to poke fun at the six-string slingers. But why are Guitar Jokes such a staple in the musician’s world? Perhaps it’s the mystique that surrounds guitarists, their sometimes-perceived egos, or maybe it’s just good old-fashioned fun at the expense of the band’s most visible member. Whatever the reason, guitar jokes are a universal language among musicians and music lovers alike.
Let’s dive into some classic guitar humor that’s sure to resonate with anyone who’s ever picked up an instrument or shared a stage with a guitarist.
Classic Guitar Jokes: From Pizza Delivery to Light Bulb Changes
These jokes tap into common stereotypes and scenarios, often with a hilarious twist.
The Food Service Gig:
Q: What’s the difference between a guitarist and a pizza?
A: A pizza can feed a family of four.
This joke highlights the often-struggling musician stereotype, contrasting the guitarist’s perceived lack of practical value with something as simple and universally appreciated as a pizza. It’s a quick jab at the financial realities that many musicians face.
Q: How do you get a guitarist off your front step?
A: Pay for the pizza.
Building on the previous joke, this one adds another layer of humor by suggesting the guitarist’s persistence and perhaps a subtle hint at their motivations.
Q: What does a guitarist say when he gets to his gig?
A: “Would you like fries with that?”
This joke is a classic, playing on the idea of musicians needing to take day jobs to make ends meet. It’s a humorous take on the often-unromantic reality of pursuing a career in music.
Q: What do you call a musician with a college degree?
A: Night manager at McDonalds.
Similar to the “fries with that” joke, this one humorously suggests that even education might not guarantee musical success, leading to unexpected career paths.
The Egotistical Guitarist:
Q: How does a Les Paul Guitarist change a light bulb?
A: He holds it and the world revolves around him.
This joke directly targets the stereotype of the guitarist with a large ego, particularly those who favor iconic instruments like the Les Paul. It’s a playful exaggeration of self-importance.
Q: How many Electric Guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change it, and four to discuss how Eric Clapton did it.
Here, the joke pokes fun at electric guitarists’ tendency to idolize guitar heroes and over-analyze techniques. It highlights the sometimes-excessive focus on legendary players.
Q: How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one– but he’ll go though a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.
This joke humorously suggests guitarists’ pursuit of perfectionism, even in mundane tasks like changing a light bulb. It’s a gentle ribbing of their attention to detail and potentially overthinking things.
The “Unique” Guitarist Logic:
Q: How do you get an electric guitarist to turn down his amp?
A: Put a piece of sheet music in front of him.
This joke cleverly plays on the stereotype of electric guitarists who might prioritize volume over musical nuance, suggesting they’re more likely to respond to written music than a simple request to turn down.
Q: How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None…they just steal somebody else’s light.
This joke is a bit more cynical, suggesting a competitive or even opportunistic side to lead guitarists, humorously implying they’d rather take credit than do the work themselves.
Q: How many guitar teachers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, two, three, four. One, two, three…
This joke is a nod to the methodical and instructional nature of guitar teachers, playfully suggesting they might approach even simple tasks like changing a light bulb with a counting-based approach.
Q: How many mexican guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just Juan.
This is a pun-based joke, relying on wordplay with the Spanish name “Juan” and “one.”
Financial and Career Jokes:
Q: What’s the difference between a guitar player and a certificate of deposit?
A: The CD will eventually mature and make money.
This joke is a direct hit at the often-precarious financial situation of guitarists, contrasting it with the reliable growth of a financial instrument.
Q: What would a guitarist do if he won a million dollars?
A: Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.
This joke humorously suggests that even a windfall wouldn’t change a guitarist’s core drive to play music, even if it’s not the most financially sound decision.
Q: What do you call a guitar player in a 3-piece suit?
A: The defendant.
This joke is a bit darker, implying that guitarists might be more likely to be in trouble with the law, perhaps playing on stereotypes of rock and roll lifestyles.
Relationship with Other Musicians (Especially Drummers):
Q: What’s the last thing a drummer says before he gets kicked out of a band?
A: “When do we get to play MY songs?”
This joke highlights the classic band dynamic and the often-stereotyped role of the drummer as less musically assertive than other band members, particularly guitarists.
Q: How do you know when the drum riser is level?
A: The drummer is dribbling out of both sides of his mouth.
This is a more physical and slapstick joke, perhaps suggesting drummers are less refined or prone to physical humor.
Q: What’s black and blue and laying in a ditch?
A: A guitarist who’s told too many drummer jokes.
This joke acknowledges the back-and-forth nature of musician humor, suggesting that guitarists shouldn’t get too comfortable making jokes at others’ expense.
Self-Deprecating and Dark Humor:
Q: What do you do if you see a bleeding guitarist running around in your back yard?
A: Stop laughing and reload.
This is a very dark joke, playing on the idea of annoyance or even hostility towards guitarists, taken to an extreme.
Q: What do all great guitarists have in common?
A: They’re all dead.
This is a morbid joke, suggesting that true guitar greatness is only achieved posthumously, perhaps highlighting the struggles and sacrifices of a musical career.
Q: What do an electric guitarist and a vacuum cleaner have in common?
A: When you plug them in, they both suck.
This is a pun-based, and somewhat harsh joke, using “suck” in both senses of the word – to perform poorly and to draw air in.
Q: What do a cup of coffee and Eric Clapton have in common?
A: They both suck without Cream.
Another pun-based joke, relying on the double meaning of “Cream” – the band and the dairy product.
Q: Why bury guitarists six feet under?
A: Because deep down they are very nice people.
This joke offers a slightly redemptive, albeit still humorous, take on guitarists, suggesting that despite outward appearances, they have good qualities underneath.
Meta Jokes and Musical Insight:
Q: Want a guitar without tuning pegs, and also missing the bridge and tailpiece, for free?
A: No strings attached?
This is a clever pun, playing on the phrase “no strings attached” and the literal strings of a guitar.
Q: How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune?
A: Evidently, all of them.
This joke humorously exaggerates the popularity and challenge of covering Stevie Ray Vaughan, implying that countless guitarists attempt it.
Q: What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A: A music critic.
This is a more insightful joke, suggesting that musical criticism can sometimes be overly simplistic or based on limited knowledge, contrasting it with the practical skill of playing guitar.
Q: Why are so many guitarists jokes one-liners?
A: So the rest of the band can understand them.
This is a meta-joke, commenting on the perceived simplicity of guitar jokes and perhaps subtly teasing guitarists’ intellectual capacity (in jest, of course!).
Q: How do you make a guitaristÂ’s eyes light up on Christmas morning?
A: Shine a flashlight in his ear.
This is a silly, almost nonsensical joke, playing on the idea of a guitarist’s simple pleasures and perhaps a slightly dim-witted image.
Q: How many guitar players does it take to pave a driveway?
A: Seven- if you lay them out correctly.
This is a surreal and absurd joke, using dark humor and a visual gag to create a bizarre and memorable punchline.
Why Guitar Jokes Hit the Right Chord
Guitar jokes are more than just silly questions and answers. They reflect a playful camaraderie within the music community. They often poke fun at stereotypes, but also acknowledge the passion, dedication, and sometimes quirky nature of guitarists. Whether you’re a guitarist yourself, play another instrument, or just appreciate the world of music, guitar jokes offer a lighthearted way to connect and share a laugh. So next time you hear a good guitar joke, don’t take it too seriously – just enjoy the humor and maybe even share one yourself!
