There’s a trope in romance, often fueled by movies and cheesy songs, that depicts a man strumming a guitar as the ultimate act of seduction. Picture this: you’re on a date, things are heating up, and suddenly he pauses, whispers, “Wait, I want to play you something,” and produces an acoustic guitar seemingly from nowhere. He launches into a heartfelt ballad, and in this fantasy, romance blossoms, and maybe more.
But let’s snap back to reality. If serenading someone with a guitar has ever actually led to a successful romantic encounter, it’s likely despite the musical performance, not because of it. It takes a certain level of, shall we say, unearned confidence to think that playing the guitar is your ticket to someone’s heart, or more realistically, their bed.
Think about the sheer audacity of it. It’s a move that screams ego and earnestness, often reaching levels of cringe usually reserved for overly dramatic movie characters. There’s a golden rule for romance, and perhaps for life in general: avoid doing anything that feels like it belongs in a bad rom-com. And yes, pulling out a guitar unsolicited definitely qualifies.
This isn’t just a random observation. It’s a pattern. It turns out that the impulse for A Man Playing A Guitar for a woman he’s interested in is surprisingly common. It’s like an ingrained habit, akin to leaving the toilet seat up or thinking cargo shorts are still fashionable.
Remember those dating rules you thought you knew? Well, here’s a crucial addition: Never, under any circumstances, play your guitar for someone you are trying to seduce. The list of things less likely to ignite passion is short, and probably includes lukewarm coffee and discussing cryptocurrency at a party. Personal anecdote time: back in the day, my boyfriend thought “Hey There Delilah” was the perfect romantic gesture. The horror I experienced was only matched by his blissful ignorance, eyes closed, lost in the profound mediocrity of the Plain White T’s. Ever since, a crucial part of vetting any new romantic interest involves a deep dive into their online presence, just to ensure there are no videos of them serenading a webcam in their bedroom.
The sheer awkwardness of listening to a man play guitar badly is hard to overstate. It’s a uniquely excruciating experience. There’s a theory that men possess a genetic predisposition to overestimate their guitar skills. It’s the same baffling phenomenon that allows someone to preface a condescending explanation with “I don’t want to mansplain, but…” and then proceed to mansplain. Sure, maybe you’re okay at guitar. But to truly captivate an audience of one, you need to be exceptional. You need to be on par with a critically acclaimed artist to pull this off without inducing eye-rolls. Are you the acoustic guitar equivalent of a musical genius? Probably not. Your guitar playing, in this scenario, is the lengthy, unnecessary opening credits to a movie you actually want to get to. The music might be technically fine, but let’s be honest, everyone’s just waiting for the main event.
Then there’s the intensity. Imagine this: the fewer people in your audience, the more amplified the earnestness of your ballad becomes. Singing a deeply emotional song to a crowd is one thing. Singing it to a single person you’re trying to impress cranks up the heartfelt-o-meter to levels that can become overwhelming, even comical. You’re standing there, baring your soul with a guitar, potentially flaying yourself emotionally for someone who might just be wondering what’s for dinner.
Now, are there exceptions? Of course, there are always exceptions. If you’re a professional musician, someone people actually pay to see perform, then by all means, play your guitar. Saving money on concert tickets is always a plus. And, in a bizarre twist, the rules seem to change if your instrument of choice is a cello. Cellists possess a certain brooding mystique, and somehow, even a cheesy love song played on a cello gains an unexpected layer of sophistication.
For the rest of you aspiring serenaders, while you’re lost in your guitar-playing reverie, the person you’re trying to woo is likely contemplating the life choices that led them to this moment, and internally debating whether nodding politely looks more “chill” or just plain awkward. The idea of a guitar is undeniably cool. A guitar hanging on the wall? Stylish. A man playing a guitar in a concert? Potentially impressive. You playing a guitar in an attempt to be seductive? Generally, a recipe for romantic disaster. Leave the guitar as a decorative piece, or better yet, learn to play really, really well before you even think about using it as a dating strategy.
